3 Months of München – Chocolate!
With so many flavours to chose from, where to start? Well RITTER SPORT chocolate is delicious, so why not start at ‘A’ …
Alpine Milk
Instant fan if: you like Kinder Surprise chocolate
Either those Alpine cows are incredible creatures producing a milk fine enough for God Himself to sip and ponder what a great job He has done in creating them and the universe in which they reside, or, Ritter Sport did a deal with the devil for some secret crack-like ingredient and used the Alpine cows as a gimmicky scapegoat (pardon the unintentional farmyard pun). However it came about, just know that this chocolate is the absolute cows tits! It's flavour is similar to Kinder Surprise chocolate, but instead of getting a 20g eggshell you can knock yourself out on much higher quantities of the good stuff.
Strawberry Joghurt
Instant fan if: you like McDonalds' strawberry thickshakes
It's that strong strawberry flavour that doesn't actually taste anything like real strawberries. There are tiny hard-candy berry flavoured pieces in here too, which come to think of it, may be intended to be an artistic simulation of the seed texture when you eat a strawberry. Maybe I'm thinking too much about this. Regardless, thoughts stop when you crack into one of these candies as a burst of strawberry plasma beams shoot you in the mouth and explode your taste buds.
Espresso
Instant fan if: you like your coffee strong
We all know espresso is a strong way to have your coffee and this is reflected in this glorious block of chocolate. Typically with coffee flavoured chocolates you expect a small hint of that genuine coffee flavour to make it through, even with the ones that proclaim to be strong, but the strength of this one takes you by surprise. This is level shit. I was taken aback at first by the strength because although I love my coffee at that intensity, the way I like things rarely translates to something that's good and marketable. Then I remembered I was in Europe where they like it strong - bless these lands.
Dark Chocolate (50%)
Instant fan if: you love
The packet here is a dark red and I could not think of a more suitable colour. If there is such thing as an "emoticolourtaste", a good dark chocolate to me has always tasted dark red. As all dark varieties should, it possesses a solid build with a glorious snap when you bite into it (if that's what you choose to do). It'll also happily melt flavournoids all around your mouth if you are more in the non-chomper camp. You can feel the bitter after taste trying to come though and yet it never quite does, kept under control by the other 50%. It almost feels like cheating getting all those sweet dark chocolate flavour benefits and skipping the bitter end. One thing is guaranteed here: for its price, you won't find a better dark chocolate offering in the supermarket than this one.
Honey-Salt-Almond
Instant fan if: you like candied nuts
You can think of this one as a packet of salted, candied nuts with a fancy chocolate block casing. All bases are covered here: sweet honey, salty salt, savoury nuts and smooth chocolate. It sounds like a winning combination because it is a winning combination, chip! When the taste balance threatens to get too sweet, the almonds roll in and slap those sugars upside the head. The result is a delightful equalisation all over your taste buds.
Yoghurt
Instant fan if: you hate the healthy aspects of eating yoghurt
Upon the first bite all that can be tasted is the chocolate. All the while lurking under the surface are those yoghurt flavours, waiting for their time to jump out of the chocolate sea in your mouth like a dolphin that's just been poked with a branding iron. When the taste hits it's smooth at first like yoghurt should be and then comes what I like to call the "culture stang". Your brain then says it tastes like yoghurt but I assume that's only due to previous conditioning (think of that yoghurt flavour that comes with yoghurt topped muesli bars, yoghurt coated nuts/sultanas etc.). When all is said and done it tastes kind of healthy, which seems kind of pointless considering the calorie bombs you just dropped.
Crispy Cornflakes
Instant fan if: you like
Admittedly you can't really taste the cornflakes here; their purpose is almost entirely textural. If you are craving that crisp texture that is oft delivered by rice-crisps in the chocolate world, then this is the one you must make a beeline for. Don't be disappointed when you don't get a honeyjoy-esque, sweet/savoury corn smack to the mouth from this block - it's just not there. If it's that combo which you're after, you're probably better off going back two spaces.
Crispy Biscuit
Instant fan if: you love a
A humble butter biscuit sits innocently on the front of the packet, perhaps even looking a little plain. What lies beneath in the packet however is something far more monumental. Building on the foundations of the confectionery holy trinity of chocolate, biscuit and caramel comes this perfectly balanced heavyweight. The sugar drenched caramel layer of the TWIX is removed and replaced by a fine cacao cream layer, which is a much more subtle bridge between the biscuit and surrounding chocolate.
Coconut
Instant fan if: you love a
Oh my kokos! You may not even need to necessarily be a huge coconut fan to enjoy this amazing block. The coconut, like Snoop Dog, is roasted to perfection without becoming too overpowering. The taste sways gently and you're instantly on a remote island looking lustfully out to sea. Yes, it's really that satisfying. Here the coconut is not as crudely present as it is in a Bounty, surrounded by a coconut milk filling that conceals it to a texture of a . This perfect balance has cemented this block into high rotation on our chocolate selection list.
Nugat
Instant fan if: you love or
Don't dive in with expectations of encountering a Mars like nougat with that slightly fluffy texture. The packaging provides many hints to steer expectations in the true direction of it's contents with "cremig" and that fudge looking nougat block. Ignore them as I did and you will be double checking the packet thinking you've grabbed a praline variety chocolate. Once again I blame commercial conditioning swaying expectation to expect a cheap "nougat like" filler of composed of corn syrup and hydrolyzed soya protein, but regardless, nougat has to at least be one thing: slightly chewy. This is not. At all. It's a praline. I don't know where this bar gets off calling itself nugat. Identity crisis aside, I'd actually consider this quite fine tasting praline if it weren't for the bitter taste of treachery left in my mouth.
Olympia
Instant fan if: you like habitually bombard your yogurt
This hokey-pokey-like bastardisation is hard to pin down. There is so much going on, but upon conclusion you are just left with a feeling of 'meh'. Here the yoghurt is still the strongest taste and the other ingredients don't bring much else to the table. The 'glucose' pieces seem like an after-thought as the creators realised: "Shit, it tastes too much like the jogurt flavour!". The apparent Olympic connection only adds to my confusion. It's not bad, but it doesn't really excite either - perhaps that's the Olympic relation?
Peppermint
Instant fan if: c'mon, you know if you love peppermint
With it's unassuming packaging and simple flavour combination, this block is the cleverest, most inconspicuous over-achiever of the lot. That natural magic present in the one-two punch of dark chocolate and peppermint is accounted for and amplified here. The quality of both the dark chocolate and the peppermint are miles above that of your regular after dinner mint, making it a sure-fire crowd pleaser for after dinner. If you love peppermint, then this is up there with as good as it gets. It's a regular in our fridge!
Rum-Sultana-Nut
Instant fan if: you like your rum Jamaican and like a kick in the face
To understand this one you must imagine the following: an alcoholic "Fruit'n'Nut" chocolate block that runs out of money while on a Royal Caribbean cruise and is reduced sucking spilt liqueurs out of the musty carpet just to get through the day. Saying that the rum is that strong with this one is an understatement. This block replicates that liqueur chocolate harsh flavour and then doubles the intensity, all without any rum in liquid form! I'm not sure what a good Jamaican rum tastes like, but this tastes like it has a chemical make up similar to nail polish, but tweaked just enough to be fit for human consumption. Oh, and there's sultanas and nuts ...whatever. I have dumped pretty hard on this flavour, yet, if it's your thing and if you are in the mood for a "strong liqueur taste" hit this block will rain dollar bills all over your desires.
Vanilla Mousse
Instant fan if: you like that "nonna's vanilla" dessert taste
If you've ever been fortunate enough to have an Italian grandma (or a friend with one) and have tried one of her vanilla deserts, you will understand exactly how this ones tastes. It's not that overpowering "somebody put too many drops of vanilla essence in this milkshake" vanilla taste, it's a pleasant lesson in subtlety. The texture inside is not as light as expected but the flavour has a well-rounded, light, smooth overtone all the way through giving it that mousse-like taste.
Hazelnut
Instant fan if: hazelnuts is like family
So many nuts! It's chocolate and hazelnut, but what results does not taste like Nutella. The hazelnut has a more pure roasted flavour, showing off its talents without the chocolate stealing much of the limelight. Here, hazelnut is lead singer while the chocolate provides a few intermittent backing-vocal "doo-wops" in form of a "YOGO-like-tasting" chocolate experience. It works, and it's a winning combination that has gone 4x platinum and moved units all around the world. It's an often found variety in stockists outside Germany.
Crispy Cornflakes (White)
Instant fan if: you like the idea of a with crispies
Ritter Sport's white chocolate varieties taste almost identical to Milky Bars, except for (I suspect) a bit more cocoa butter in the latter. Here the white chocolate runs rampant while the cornflake, true to its name, can do little except flake out from the fight. The cornflake is once again relegated to a cripsy, purely textural role. Bite at the bottom half if you want to taste a whisper of cornflake flavour. The combination of the two yields a block that is nigh on impossible not to crunch down on. This block is the Richard Branson of the bunch: rich, white, powerful and does things that make you think "Wow! That's pretty amazing!", but soon it's bold strategies and complete overexposure will soon have you saying: "Nah, I'm done here".
Hazelnut (White)
Instant fan if: the idea of a white chocolate Nutella makes you salivate
It's no secret white chocolate is far richer and sweeter than regular milk chocolate, in part due to it not technically being chocolate at all. There is certainly far more sugar present here than in the milk chocolate varieties. Some white chocolate confectioneries can be so heavy in sugar that they sometimes bring an experience I call "sugar burn" - a sensation where the chocolate kind of "burns" your throat due to the richness. This block heads down that dire path when a hero steps in to save the day: the vollnuss (hazelnut "whole nuts"). The hazelnut flavour is under-represented due to its heroic struggle, but the effect in turn is that the white chocolate is mellowed out. The flavour overall becomes smoother and more rounded, with the sugar burn kept in check. We salute you vollnuss!
PS. It doesn't taste like a white chocolate Nutella, but if that's your kind of thing then this will be too because ...SUGAR!
You've made it to the end. Congratulations!
Our top performers and personal favourites were: KOKOS, PFEFFERMINZ and KNUSPERKEKS.
(We checked multiple times to make sure they were definitely good)
